rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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