I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
