I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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