Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
