I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
