I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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