You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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