After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Randomize
