I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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