I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
