Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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