if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sarcasm needs its own font
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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