She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
