I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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