Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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