69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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