a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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