I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
