look no pants
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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