I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
