Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
