It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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