Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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