RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
