So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
