so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
