Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
