Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
