So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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