So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
