Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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