If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
