doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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