I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
