turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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