FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
