Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize