Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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