We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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