Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
