Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
