just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
