why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
