Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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