So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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