Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
