I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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