Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
