He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
