Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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