we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize