I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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