is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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