Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just cropdusted the office
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
