even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
