oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
