so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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