At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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