So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
