question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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