God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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