A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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