do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
