in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
