So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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