I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I touched a dick in church today
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
