That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We need to get me chipped asap
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
