Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
