oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
