I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
someone owes me an orgasm
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
