FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
