Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
