did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
