Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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