put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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