my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He has the fingertips of a God
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