the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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