Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize