I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
