I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
