Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
