grandma shit on top of the toilet
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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