she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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