and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
