You made me cry and you don't even care
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the day after is always just damage control
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
