Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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