who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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