pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
