he puts the penis in happiness.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
